Emotions

I am such a mess of emotions lately, I don’t even know what to do with myself. And since I am not even HOPPED up on drugs yet, I am really getting worried about what kind of roller coaster ride I will be on when I do start them.

I seriously cry at the drop of a hat these days…I could almost say that literally. I cry when I think about Jeff being gone, when I think about Jeff coming home, when I think about our future, when I think about our past, when I am in church, when I am reading a book, when I hear a song, when I am driving in my car, when I am staring at my computer at work, sometimes when I am doing absolutely nothing…and even now as I write this blog entry.

I don’t know if it is the years of frustration coming to the surface, or the anticipation of what the coming months will bring. Maybe it is the years of trying to keep our infertility struggles a secret and dealing with the shame and guilt that comes with the territory. Or perhaps it is the realization that none of this will matter when we hold that precious child in our arms.

Either way, the crying jag is getting a bit annoying, but I don’t think there is anything I can do about it. I guess I will just have to carry extra tissues and wait for the ride to be over.