Fretful Contemplations

I can’t believe it has been a week since our egg retrieval. In some respects time is going faster than I thought it would and then in other respects time seems to be standing absolutely still.

Waiting and worrying; worrying and waiting. This is what I get to look forward to for the next week. (Come to think of it, if all works out as we hope it does, it’s what I get to look forward to for the next couple of decades… and beyond. Guess I should get used to it…heck, I should revel in the promise of it!)

For now I worry about the little things:
What if I got up to go to the bathroom too many times during my bed rest? What if those embabies didn’t get a chance to settle in because I moved around too much?
What if my bouts of laughing with hubby somehow dislodged them? Or perhaps that cough… or episode of sneezing?
What if the shower I finally got to take was too hot?
What if the watering can I used to water my flowers was over my lifting restrictions? What about my purse? (yes, I swear my purse has to weigh over 10# at times)

In the back of my mind I know that these fears are completely irrational. I mean c’mon, women all over the world get pregnant and stay pregnant while doing all these things. However, so far, I haven’t been fortunate enough to be one of those women, so cut me some slack in the rationality department, will ya?

And then I worry about the bigger things as well:
What if this doesn’t work? What if even entertaining that thought affects things?
How will I handle it? How will hubby handle it? Will it bring us closer together or slowly tear us apart?

How can I remain completely and utterly hopeful that this will work, yet prepare myself for the worst?

Although, I do have this tape running through my head… all.day.long, I am surprised at how well I am doing overall. There haven’t been too many moments when my emotions have gotten the best of me. I have been able to gain control and reason myself out of any “funky” thought path I may be heading down. I am hoping that perhaps my mind knows something I am not yet aware of.

Until then, I will just quietly worry...and wait.